I’ve been MIA on this blog and nearly abandoned my coaching in the midst of my family’s recent move to Astoria, Oregon. But it’s still not too late to reflect, especially on the eve of the New Year. I could keep this reflection private, but for me making a post “live” makes my reflection feel real, not just like an inner musing.
Despite my hundreds of “personal” blog posts, I’ve still been reluctant to expose my vulnerabilities, despite being a huge Brene Brown fan. I am ready to finally “reveal all” in 2016, so what better way than to reflect authentically about 2015.
I’m also inspired by a recent Flowdream podcast that I listened to about completing the energies we’ve experienced/created. It especially reminded me that I’m not the only one who has misgivings as the year’s close about what was left undone in 2015.
So, part of this reflection is from questions that Summer poses in the podcast, plus questions from a personal growth group for women that I’ve loved participating in since July (contact me if you’re interested in learning more). Lastly, before I dive into these very personal questions, I would encourage you to “coach yourself” by answering similarly deep questions as we close this calendar year.
Completing & Remembering 2015
What was your biggest triumph in 2015?
My biggest triumph by far has been manifesting our dream home and community. If you would have shown me just last year what my day/life today would have looked like, filled with such amazing beauty, I would have been both giddy and completely incredulous. It wouldn’t have seemed possible, and in this past year I’ve begun to grasp just how truly infinite my/our possibilities truly are each and every day, and year.
I’ve already written a long post about manifesting my dream home on my finance blog, but it really does feel like a triumph. Probably the biggest yet, after birthing my three beautiful children.
What was the best decision you made in 2015?
Without a doubt, the best decision I made in 2015 was moving to Astoria, Oregon. Yet, I know that my desires really determined my life, not my decisions only. Decisions are practical and necessary, but without the initial spark of inspiration or vivid day dream, I would not serve as the true creator of my life.
What one word best sums up and describes your 2015 experience?
Intensely beautiful. (Sorry, I need a descriptor).
What was the greatest lesson you learned in 2015?
It feels like I learned many lessons this year. Once again, I’m reminded that my family is my most important job. And
I’ve learned that I’m not always as good of a communicator as I wish I were (learning to communicate what I want, not expecting other to intuit), that I have to be brave to share my story, and my family is my most important job.
What was the most loving service you performed in 2015?
- Caring for my children. Being present for them. Showing them empathy.
- Serving as a member of Portland Pearl Rotary, Rotary International, and now in Astoria Rotary Club.
- Lending in my Kiva Experiment. In the past three years, I’ve an initial $1k into over $7k worth of loans to fellow entrepreneurs in the developing world. Yesterday I lent another two $100 loans with the help of my 9.11 year, Big Guy, and 6.11 year old, Girly. They were very interested in reviewing the loan repayment terms, and checking to make sure it seems like a worthwhile “investment.” Post to come soon…
What is your biggest piece of “unfinished business” from 2015?
In order to focus all my energy on manifesting my fairy tale home, I essentially put my coaching and blogging on hold. Last year this time I was planning my first Mama Bliss Beach Retreats, leading group coaching sessions, and discovering my niche. Now, a year later, I’m again left wondering how much I really want to coach at this moment. I’m feeling more inspired to share my story.
What are you most happy about completing in 2015?
Manifesting our home really is a dream come true, and then settling in has been it’s own creative endeavor. I feel overjoyed by the beauty that surrounds me, knowing that I’ve created it and will continue to curate my living space. The best part is the amazing view and how much more connected to nature I feel from this vantage. Despite the work of a historic home like ours, it bring me immense joy to live here.
What 3 people had the greatest impact on your life in 2015?
My identical twin sister, Miel, will always have the most impact on my life. We are spiritually interconnected in a way that few know. We inspire each other to dream bigger and bigger.
Lou Radja continues to the most amazing life coach an aspiring dreamer could ever hope to ask for. Our insightful sessions leave me feeling both grounded and inspired. His authentic and joyful courage is contagious.
I deeply appreciate all the new “Mamas/Sisters” I’ve had the privilege to connect with this year. I’m inspired by our friendship and kindred connection. You know who you are. 😉
Kevin gets his own reflection. 🙂
What is the biggest risk you took in 2015?
Some people might think that moving to Astoria was our biggest risk, but the truth is that my/our biggest risk was actually deciding to put our Portland house on the market months before we ever contemplating moving westward. We couldn’t remotely afford the type of house we were dreaming of, and yet we worked our asses off and went out on a limb to put our place on a sizzling hot market. We even got so close that we bid on a beautiful Irvington home just weeks before Kevin’s job offer, but even that would have been a big financial risk. We were trusting/banking on our future, which takes a big leap of faith.
What was your biggest surprise in 2015?
This is actually both a surprise and a secret that only two people know.*
I felt fleetingly but seriously attracted to someone other than Kevin, enough so to make me rethink and question our relationship. In our fifteen years together I had honestly never had that feeling, and it shook me the core. It feels appalling to have even considered such an idea now, but for a brief time I was in love with the idea of my life with someone else. My feelings were so intense, that I fantasized about our life together. I felt suddenly free to be without the drama and petty bickering. It was surreal and yet, as soon as I came to my senses, I felt very lucid in my desire to create deep shifts in our relationship.
Almost like an answered prayer, Kevin and I were able to honestly share with each our needs/frustrations/desires and hear each other in a way that we hadn’t before.
Thankfully, as I sit here reflecting, our marriage feels more rock solid than ever before.
*I usually don’t share such personal things on a blog post that I haven’t told my husband, Kevin, so this will be an especially big surprise to him, if ever reads this. Just I would never want to hurt him, and I feared that.
What important relationship improved most in 2015?
My relationship with my husband, Kevin, has evolved tremendously this year.
After seven years in an organization that was never truly the right fit for him, he had become embittered. Despite his best efforts to be the best Dad and Coach on the planet (which he is 95% of the time), there were times when our family would get the brunt of his stress and OCD tendencies. He would get upset at things that seemed inconsequential to us, but were obviously big trigger issue to him. It was never anything truly physical, but he’d yell and go on a tirade. I had tried to address his temper many times before, but nothing had ever stuck.
So, after dealing with this on and off again for years, I finally decided that I wasn’t going to tolerate it anymore. Yet, the difference was that I focused on transforming myself instead of trying to “fix” him or our relationship. Almost miraculously (after a very effective breakthrough session), I became faaar less reactive and he became less controlling. Although there is naturally room for both of to grow, I can honestly say that we’ve grown infinitely together this year.
What acknowledgement would you like to have received in 2015?
I have to admit to being one of those types who truly appreciates praise. It used to be that I would live for compliments, to please other people. But at this very moment I’m feeling complete knowing that I’m serving my highest intentions.
What acknowledgement would you like to have given in 2015?
I still have a chance, as I reflect and share through this now immensely long post. 😉
Kevin deserves my endless praise for having faith in our lives together and our family. For caring for our beautiful children, diligently reading with Makenna and playing with Teagan. For his commitment to coaching youth soccer, and love teaching about life through sports. For folding laundry nearly every night and vacuuming before I ever have to ask. But most of all for sharing your equally brilliant and quirky self with me.
What else do you need to do or say to be complete with 2015?
Thank you. Thank you life! I am so wonderously in awe of the life that I’m creating. This year has been nothing short of monumental, and my heart overflows with joy at the fleeting memories that make up my life in 2015.
My only regret is not having taken the time to write more of story and reflect regularly. I’m only human, and hadn’t yet given myself permission to be truly vulnerable. I plan to make up for in spades in 2016, as I share my whole self with the world and truly tap into my highest potential.
Wishing you acceptance, forgiveness and peace in 2015.
Wishing you peace, love and light to you 2016.